How to validate someone's experience…

Have you ever told someone you feel (insert uncomfortable emotion here) and they say, "it's not scary, don't be anxious" or "don't be sad cheer up". Does this response leave you feeling as though you've been understood? Responses like these often make me want to throw a full-blown tantrum or roll my eyes and walk away. While these small catch phrases aren't intended to make us feel crappy, they certainly do at times!

It's statements like these that often invalidate what we are experiencing. When we feel invalidated it can often confuse or worsen our experience of these uncomfortable emotions.

Validating someone's experience can be as simple as actively listening (nod your head, maintain eye contact, show you are listening!) and instead of jumping in with a solution or telling them not to freak out, try to understand the emotion they are feeling.

Here are some ways to validate someone's experience:

• Try starting sentences with: "I can see that you are very (insert emotion: anxious, sad, pissed off)"
  Show that you understand the emotion: "That really sucks" or "That would be frightening" or "How frustrating" "it must have been awful to experience that"

• Show interest in what they are telling you: "Do you feel comfortable to tell me more?"

• Normalise what they are feeling: "I can understand why you felt (insert emotion)" or
  "I think its normal to feel... when this has happened" or "It's okay to feel ...., l've felt that way too"

• Instead of jumping in with solutions ask: "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Give the above examples a go and see if they notice a difference. Or prompt some of your loved ones to have a read of this blog post and notice if it changes your experience with them.

If you're concerned about your mental health or wanting extra support, feel free to contact us on 8838-8687 or book an appointment online and come in to see one of our friendly Psychologists.