Coping with Grief
“Grief creates its own weather. At times, it’s an avalanche that buries us, or a thunderstorm that buffets us around. It’s a cold rain that drips off trees and down our backs long after the storm is gone. It’s a fog that hides the world and makes every sound seem distant.”
-Mark Lievenow
Grief is a universal experience that we will all have to encounter at some stage in our lives. How we cope with loss is a highly unique experience; there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There are many factors that may influence how you process a loss such as your personality, your coping style, faith and beliefs and how significant the loss was to you. For most people this process takes time, and it is not something that can be rushed or hurried. There are, however, certain things you can do that may assist you in coming to terms with a loss and processing the grief associated with it.
Here are 5 tips that might help you cope when someone you love has died:
• Talk about the loss. Talking to friends, family or colleagues may help you in coming to terms with the death and processing what has happened. Avoidance of these difficult thoughts and memories can lead to social isolation which can make the process of grieving more challenging.
• Take care of your physical health. For many people who have lost a loved one, it can be difficult to find the motivation to remain physically healthy, through regular exercise, eating healthy foods and getting enough sleep. The process of grieving can start to take a toll on our physical health. Try taking small steps every day to maintain your physical health, such as going for a walk or making a healthy meal.
• Celebrate the lives of your loved ones. One of the hardest things for many people after experiencing a loss is the thought of having to spend birthdays, holidays,anniversaries without their loved one. Will these days ever feel the same again? These events will undoubtedly be a difficult time for friends and family, but it can also be an opportunity to remember and honour our loved ones. You may decide to gather with family and friendsto celebrate the birthday of the deceased or you may plant a flower in your garden in memory of them or perhaps pass on their name to a baby. Trying to find ways to remember and honour your loved one and to celebrate their memory will help in processing this loss.
• Acknowledge and accept your feelings. Know that there is no ‘right’ way to grieve. Everyone processes loss in their own way for some people the grief is instant while others may feel nothing initially, however, both of these reactions are completely normal. While some people grieve for years others may only grieve for months before they feel ready to move forward. There is no timeframe for what is normal in processing grief. You may experience a variety of different emotions from sadness, anger, despair or numbness. Remember that all of these feelings are normal and valid, and it is important to acknowledge them.
• If you know someone experiencing a loss, reach out to them. Grieving the loss of a loved one can be extremely isolating. So, if you know someone that is grieving, give them a call or pay them a visit. Listen to them and talk to them about their loved one, allow them a space to share fond memories of the person they loved. Talking about their loved one and being socially connected will help them in processing their grief and can help to lift their spirits.
More often than not, people are able to navigate the process of grief with the support of family and friends alone. However, if you find that your symptoms are long-lasting and impairing your ability to function (e.g., at work or in relationships) it may be beneficial to speak to a mental health professional. If this is you, give us a call on 8838-8687 to book in an appointment with one of our friendly psychologists.